♪ why you gotta tell me that i'm looking good don't know what ♪ ♪ you were thinkin' you were doing moving in for a hug like you don't know ♪ ♪ i'm coming unglued why you gotta why you wanna make me keep wanting ♪ ♪ you keep wanting you why why why would you tell me ♪ ♪ that you call me up sometime maybe we can get a drink ♪ ♪ and just catch up like that'd be enough no that ain't enough ♪ ♪ why you gotta show up in a old t-shirt that i love why you gotta ♪ ♪ tell me that i'm looking good don't know what you were thinkin' ♪ ♪ you were doing moving in for a hug like you don't know

i'm coming unglued ♪ ♪ why you gotta why you wanna make me keep wanting you ♪ ♪ why you gotta why you wanna why you wanna why you wanna ♪ ♪ why you gotta why you wanna make me keep wanting you why you gotta ♪ ♪ why you wanna why you gotta make me keep wanting you ♪ ♪ out of all of the places in this little town yeah you had to come ♪ ♪ walking in here and sit down ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: jana kramer, nice job. that was great. thank you so much. you were terrific. >> thank you so much. >> jay: i want to thank my guests, morgan freeman,

ashleigh butler and pudsey the dog, plus jana kramer. tomorrow night, denis leary and kenny chesney will be here. "jimmy fallon" happening right now. jimmy, take it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: oh man, sounded great. thank you so much, you guys. woo-wee! welcome to "late night with jimmy f-a-l-l-o-n," you guys. you guys, we've got some election news. [ laughter ] today while speaking at a naacp convention, mitt romney said that he would repeal obama's health care law, and was actually booed. [ audience boos ] got even more awkward when romney was like, "hell yeah, i'm your boo! and you're my boo, and you're my boo, too. we're all boos. you're my boo! hey, boo!" [ applause ] some s-p-o-r-t-s news. [ laughter ] there are reports that the saints have offered quarterback drew brees a five-year, $100 million contract. wow. that's even better than katie holmes. [ laughter ] hey guys, this is cool. a hotel in england is bringing in kindles to replace bibles in their nightstands. [ laughter ]

yeah, and then they'll be bringing in more bibles to replace those stolen kindles. if i steal a bible, might as well take a kindle. >> steve: hey, free kindle! >> jimmy: speaking of england, officials with the london olympics say that facebook will play a major role in this year's games. though it'll be weird when during gymnastics, the scorers are like, "6.5, 6.8 -- it's complicated, like." i just saw this. after seven years of planning and construction, this week, donald trump opened his golf course in scotland. that's right, seven years of raking, plowing, and fertilizing or as trump calls that, "a haircut." [ cheers and applause ] [ as trump ] beautiful, 24-karat gold marble inlay. it's a beautiful, beautiful, thing. marble side burns. gold flakes. today it was free slurpee day at 7-11, you guys.

[ cheers and applause ] because of the date, july 11th. not to be confused with that other date people wind up at 7-11 -- 4/20. [ laughter ] check this out, you guys. the u.s. army says it's developing a new body armor for female soldiers, inspired by "xena: warrior princess." in related news, everyone at comic con just joined the army. that's really cool. that's really cool. [ applause ] you guys, i read that the spanish-language channel univision was the highest- rated network in the u.s. last week. univision, yep. which explains our network's new name -- "nb -- si, señor." [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] and finally, it's rumored that apple is getting ready to release a smaller, cheaper ipad. it has a cool name, too: "the iphone." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots!

♪ they call me -- doug e. the heat dropper platinum ever since i created the beat box ♪ ♪ that fresh cat that keeps the streets hot it's time we rocked we leave a line around the block ♪ ♪ i'm the oldest youngest honey's but all sweet hands in the air still dancing the freak ♪ ♪ i'm from the new school but don't get it twisted son because who it is you think they get this from ♪ ♪ now this is how you dougie this is how you dougie this is how this is how this is how you dougie ♪ ♪ this is how you dougie this is how you dougie this is how this is how this is how you dougie ♪ [ beatboxing ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is hip hop legend doug e. fresh sitting in with the roots tonight! >> much love, brother! >> jimmy: doug e. fresh.

gosh, we love you, man. you can see doug as a new judge on the new singing competition "apollo live," airing this fall on the centric network. you can also find him at his restaurant in harlem, doug e's chicken and waffles. hey, i've got to say -- i've got to say. this is -- [ cheers and applause ] doug e. brought us some cornbread, and i have never tasted anything like this in my life. it's like corn cake. it's like a cupcake. it's the most -- i rarely say the word -- it is the moistest thing. [ laughter ] >> steve: you rarely say that word. that's the third time i've heard you say that. first time on tv. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is so good, it's unbelievable. where is it exactly? >> we're on 132nd street and 7th avenue in harlem. y'all come to harlem? [ cheers and applause ] i've got the love in there, jimmy. it's the love. it's the love. [ applause ] >> jimmy: just go. just get that, right there. just try that cornbread.

>> steve: run. >> jimmy: that is unbelievable. yeah, run to get there. it's awesome. doug e. fresh right there, you guys. come on. >> much love. >> jimmy: the coolest. we've got a big show tonight. a great guy, we love this dude, elijah wood is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] plus, she is a beautiful actress with a new film called "trishna," freida pinto is stopping by. it's a packed show. from lcd soundsystem, james murphy has come in to talk about a new documentary about the band's last week together, and we have stand up from the very funny, big jay oakerson, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] jam packed. >> steve: one show. >> jimmy: one show, jam packed with fun things. you guys, you know we're always striving to get better here at late night. ♪ harder better faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] so, before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you'd

like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box. ♪ welcome to the box it's the suggestion box ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: here we go, here. this first one is from paul manning, he says "jimmy, i'm a big fan of the roots, i really want to know more about them, can you show me a brief history of the roots." great suggestion. of course, i'm a big fan of the roots -- the band, right there. they're the greatest band in late night. i'd actually -- [ cheers and applause ] i'd actually be interested in learning more about them. so now, let's take a look at a brief history of the roots. ♪ >> the roots formed in 1987 in philadelphia, pennsylvania. >> jimmy: okay, let's try another one here. [ laughter and applause ] try another one, there. this one is from megan balch. she says "jimmy, can you find someone that in your studio audience that looks like a cross between alfred e. neuman and a teenage ron howard?

a cross between alfred e. neuman and a teenage ron howard? let's check the audience -- yeah, that looks about right. [ laughter ] that's pretty good. [ applause ] he's a good looking dude, i like that guy. i like that guy. this one's from diane luciello. she says "hey jimmy, i love watching nbc nightly news with brian williams, but can you use editing to make brian say something he'd never actually say in real life?" well, as you know, diane, our show uses the latest technology. technology unseen to people not in the biz. technology so mind blowing, so bean-freaking. [ light laughter ] freak your bean. >> steve: people's beans will be freaked. >> jimmy: bean freaking technology. >> steve: it's a scientific term. >> jimmy: it's a scientific term. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i shouldn't even be talking about this. >> steve: you shouldn't. >> jimmy: no, so instead, i'm just going to show you -- ladies and gentlemen, here's brian williams edited to say something he'd never say in real life. >> i'm brian williams, and last

night joe biden spread nutella all over his butt and wiener. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what?! >> jimmy: he's america's news man. >> jimmy: oh, this is a good one. [ laughter ] it's from allison stark. allison, you're here? allison says "jimmy, i love pee-wee herman, and i love batman. can i see what it'd look like if all of the characters in 'the dark knight rises' had pee-wee herman voices." i'd love to see that happen. so, here's a recent trailer for "the dark knight rises" where all the characters have pee-wee herman voices. >> there's a storm coming, mr. wayne. >> why didn't you just kill me? [ muffled voice ] [ laughs ] ♪ >> yes, mr. wayne. >> it does come in black. >> my mother warned me about getting in cars with strange guys. >> this isn't a car. >> ahh!

>> la la la la la la la! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this next one is from mark geller. he says "hey, jimmy, i love reality tv, but because of some personal reasons i don't want you to talk about on tv, i missed the last week of shows. can you have tariq do a musical summary of what i missed?" everybody knows that tariq trotter from the roots is the biggest reality tv fan there is. [ applause ] tariq, would you mind catching us all up on what we missed? >> tariq: i'd be honored, jimmy. ♪ ♪ okay on jersey housewives melissa throws a crazy party for a six-year-old ♪ ♪ and rich and rose and his sister knows rich really ain't got no principals ♪ ♪ he's so open no joking but so is greg ♪ ♪ on that same token body shots off joe gorga at a gay bar out in hoboken ♪ ♪ jeff's heart was just so broken on "the bachelorette" he was really hoping to work emily like a 9-to-5 ♪

♪ on a satin couch with tiger hides ♪ ♪ just watched what happened private eyes dear sean it's over apologize ♪ ♪ you history like year ago so curacao do a different show ♪ ♪ you might find snooki like j-woww get a fine cutie might play 'round ♪ ♪ might creep around might sleep around but six months later. ultrasound ♪ ♪ at that ob-gyn visit and she's lying down and she's getting it and your mind is wandering ♪ ♪ trying to think about dance moms now isn't it won't get anywhere with that flattery ♪ ♪ cause she's hard to please like abby lee i've seen everything i had to see ♪ ♪ back to life back to reality ♪ ♪ like mob wives chicago mob wives in chicago mob wives in chicago mob wives chicago ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's tariq. tariq trotter -- tariq's reality wrap-up, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: keeping it real. keeping it real. >> jimmy: yeah, it's fantastic. this one's from monica yu. she says "hey jimmy, i love hot dogs and -- [ laughter ] -- i love hot dogs "dawson's creek."

is there any way -- [ light laughter ] "hey jimmy, i love hot dogs and dawson's creek. is there any way i can see actors dressed up as hot dogs performing a scene from dawson's creek?" [ light laughter ] i'd like to see that too, monica. let's bring out two actors dressed up as hot dogs to perform a scene between pacey and joey from "dawson's creek." ♪ [ applause ] ♪ >> i'm 16 years old. in my entire life, there have been two people who have actually known me. [ laughter ] dawson and you. >> what do you mean by that? >> exactly what i said, pacey. you know me, in a way that nobody else besides dawson ever has. >> i'm not talking about dawson right now. i'm talking about me.

i mean, you can't keep doing this to me, joey. >> it's just -- i can talk to you and i know that you're there for me. >> don't you ever get tired of talking? >> what are you trying to say, pacey? why are we standing here, i don't -- [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was really good. two actors dressed up as hot dogs performing a scene from "dawson's creek," everybody. that was -- [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: fantastic theater. >> jimmy: this is our last one, here. this is from vance drake. it says "hey, jimmy. i'm a huge fan of your ben and jerry's ice cream, late night snack. i love it so much, i wish i could swim in it.

do you think i could swim in a giant tub of melted late night snack? sincerely, vance drake." great question, vance. since july is ice cream month, and we have our own flavor, late night snack, right here. it's a salty caramel swirl. [ applause ] it's chocolate covered potato chip clusters. we actually do have a giant tub of melted late night snack right over there. [ audience ohs ] vance, are you here? vance? [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm here. >> jimmy: you're ready to go? okay. you ready to go? >> i'm nervous and i'm really excited. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, very good. thank you so much. all right, let's do this. let's do this. here we go. roots -- here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey, vance? vance?

vance? have you met tariq? have met tariq trotter? [ laughter ] all right, vance. all right, ready? on the count of three, here we go -- >> hold on. i've got to -- >> jimmy: all right, now, that's enough. that's enough. all right, very good. all right, thank you. i don't know what that is, that's not a stretch. stop doing that. ready, vance? here we go. on the count of three. one, two, three! go! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> jimmy: how is it, vance? >> i think i lost my speedo. >> jimmy: all right. very, very good. all right, that's all the time we have for audience suggestion box. we'll be right back with elijah wood, everybody.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are joined right now by a gifted actor. you know him from the big movies like "the lord of the rings" trilogy as well as his very funny tv show, "wilfred," which airs thursdays at 10:00 p.m. on fx. please welcome back, a good friend of the show, elijah wood, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ frodo don't wear the ring i know it's very tempting frodo don't wear the ring i know it's very tempting ♪ ♪ frodo don't wear the ring ♪ >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ]

>> is that a little "flight of the conchords?" >> jimmy: a little "flight of the conchords" for you, yeah. >> i love it. every time, i'm surprised. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they never fail. >> jimmy: they never fail. the roots do not disappoint. they never disappoint. neither do you. >> thank you, sir. >> jimmy: welcome back to our show. >> it's very good to see you. >> jimmy: it's always good to see you. >> it's a pleasure being in. >> jimmy: i want to talk about the short film thing that you did. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, first of all, why are you doing short films? 'cause you're already a big movie star. you're in "lord of the rings." yeah. you know that, right? >> i was. yeah, i was. i also like short films. >> jimmy: you do, yeah. >> yeah, a friend of mine wrote the shorts. david schlussel, molly's husband. >> jimmy: i love david schlussel. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. yeah. >> so, david used to do stand-up. >> jimmy: i do know this guy. he's a very funny human being, yeah. molly -- >> david used to do stand-up. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he actually did this thing that was very kind of andy kaufman-esque, where he proposed to someone, his girlfriend, onstage during his stand-up bit. and his girlfriend refused him. and it was a sad, awkward moment. >> jimmy: yeah, i would say so, yeah. >> and he was heart broken, and then, he ultimately brought the audience back from that experience and made them laugh

again. the whole thing was a bit. and he told me this ages ago, and he wrote a short film. and i loved the story. and he asked me if i would play the part. so, in preparation for this thing, it became very clear that i was going to have to do stand-up for the first time, and i've never done it before. >> jimmy: never done stand-up? >> no, and i tried to avoid it for a long time. [ laughter ] david would -- david would bring it up. he'd be like, "hey, you know, we should talk maybe about doing stand-up. i think it'd be a really good idea." and i'd be like, "yeah. yeah, we should talk about it," you know? >> jimmy: yeah, and never talk about it, yeah. >> no. and finally, it ultimately became very clear that, you know, we had a date to shoot the short, and i had to do it. so i went to david's house the day of -- like, he'd set up a thing at the improv. and for five hours, we worked on new material instead of doing the short bit. >> jimmy: why would you do that? >> 'cause i wanted it to come out of my own voice. i just felt, like, it wouldn't be me trying to remember lines of dialogue or jokes that he'd written. it would -- >> jimmy: you mean like an actor acting the lines? >> well, exactly. [ light laughter ] right, i just wanted to -- i'm just such a -- >> jimmy: it's like an m.c. escher drawing. it's like -- i don't know, yeah.

>> coming at it from the other angle. >> jimmy: i don't really -- yeah. >> but i just wanted it to be in my own voice so i felt like it would be easier if it were things that i could recall -- my own experience. so, we wrote -- five hours, we wrote a five minute set, drove to the improv -- >> jimmy: in l.a.? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's where i got my big break. on melrose. >> so, you started -- you started stand-up at 15. >> jimmy: yeah, like 16 years old. >> apparently, you had a mustache and you had trolls -- [ laughter ] and you would sing songs. >> jimmy: a very thick mustache, yeah. not a wispy -- >> i want to see photos. >> jimmy: wispy -- it was a very wispy mustache. >> it was amazing. >> jimmy: no, i cut the mustache off. >> probably better than this. >> jimmy: no, i think i did have a mustache when i first started, yeah. it was really gross. >> that's pretty amazing. >> jimmy: no, it's not better than that. anyways, yeah. but i did. >> but if it's -- if it's -- >> jimmy: i had props and a mustache. >> and trolls. >> jimmy: and troll dolls, yeah. >> i love it. did you write songs for them? >> jimmy: i actually did. [ laughter ] anyway, let's go back to your story. >> right, right, right. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> so -- little nervous? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> so, there was that experience where i'm literally standing there watching the guy that i'm about to follow finish, realizing that there's no turning back.

>> jimmy: oh yeah. >> and i'm about to face -- >> jimmy: did he kill it? >> he was great. and i realized that i could either bomb or it would go great, and it was genuinely the scariest thing i've ever done in my life. i've been on stage. i've done little bits of plays here and there. >> jimmy: really? >> i've done "snl," you know? that was a hugely -- >> jimmy: so, this was really frightening for you? >> so frightening. >> jimmy: what was it like? 'cause -- what do you remember of it? >> very little. it was five minutes, written very quickly. i remember the first thing i said got a laugh, and that was such relief. >> jimmy: such relief. >> because i could settle into that laughter and take my time and i didn't have to rush through the material. and i managed to remember all the material that we'd written. >> jimmy: and you did it. and it's called the -- what is it called? it's called "set up, punch." >> "set up, punch" is the short. >> jimmy: is the short. gosh, i can't wait to see this thing. it's so cool. >> it's awesome. he's putting it together right now. >> jimmy: would you ever do it again? >> i would actually. i actually got offers that night to do other -- there were like, some stand-up people that have other shows in l.a. they're like, "if you ever want to do our night --" i was like, "i don't do this."

and there were stand-ups that were like, "how long have you been working on the material?" >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i said, "oh, we wrote it that day." they were like, "screw you, man." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "i hate you, man. i hate you." yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it was awesome. >> jimmy: you have to see this comedian tonight. big jay is awesome. he's going to kill it. speaking of funny stuff here, look at this. "wilfred" right there on fx. [ cheers and applause ] now -- this has got a -- you got a lot -- it's a big hit. the biggest new comedy on fx in the history of the channel. >> that's true. >> jimmy: now, this is -- now, it's -- explain -- i can explain if you want me to. >> i certainly can if you want me to take the mantle. >> jimmy: this is -- this is, in your head, what the neighbor's dog looks like. >> looks like, yeah. so, my neighbor's dog is introduced to me in the first season, and i see an australian man in a dog suit -- >> jimmy: it is a actual dog, but you -- >> -- who smokes cigarettes and smokes bongs and -- >> jimmy: you see -- he smokes weed, and curses, and drinks beer. >> yeah. and tries to make me do things i would never, ever do, but somehow manage to learn a lesson every time. >> jimmy: yeah, isn't that funny? yeah, in the weirdest way. >> in the weirdest way. >> jimmy: gosh, it's really

funny. and who's this guy again? >> jason gann, who actually created the character. it's based on a short film. and he did two seasons of it in australia. >> jimmy: man, oh, man. it is funny. >> we're in our second season now. >> jimmy: it's so creative and cool, and i'm so happy it's back for season two. >> me, too. we love it. >> jimmy: you guys, i want to show a clip of elijah wood in "wilfred." check this out. >> where'd you get those glasses? >> you like them? -- got a pair a month ago, and he's been snout deep in [ bleep ] ever since. >> you stole them, didn't you? ♪ [ seagulls chirping ] >> sorry, ryan. i shouldn't have done that. i'm not proud of myself. i guess i just -- and that's enough of that. see? no more guilt. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's great. my thanks to elijah wood. watch "wilfred" thursdays, 10:00 p.m. on fx! freida pinto joins us next after the break. stick around, y'all! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: you know our next guest from starring roles in "slumdog millionaire" and "rise of the planet of the apes." her latest film, "trishna" is in theaters friday. please welcome, freida pinto. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: freida. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. thank you for coming back to the show. >> so happy to be back. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous as always. >> thank you. >> jimmy: freida pinto, just a perfect name. >> aw, thank you. >> jimmy: is it a common name in india? >> well, i guess freida is not a very common name. >> jimmy: it isn't? >> yeah, i kind of like that it's a bit exclusive. but pinto is, actually -- [ light laughter ] but pinto is kind of --

it's actually a portuguese name, and it has a very sweet meaning. it actually means little chick, but it also means penis. [ laughter ] ♪ so freida little chicken. >> jimmy: that's much better. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. that's much better, yeah. little chicken is -- we'll stick with that definition, yeah. yeah, you don't want to be called anything else. >> no, i don't. >> jimmy: no. also, it could be bean. >> it could be bean. it could be car. >> jimmy: it could be a cool car. cool, little car, yeah. >> it could be quite a few things. >> jimmy: or a little penis. yeah, that's good to know. you've been in the states for awhile. did you celebrate the fourth of july? did you do anything fun? >> i did. i did. but in the most non-american way, unfortunately. >> jimmy: why? >> i ate indian food. i usually don't do that when i'm in l.a. or, actually, when i'm in new york, either. 'cause you know, you kind of keep comparing it to home food and you always know that indian food at home is so much better. but i did go to this place called bombay palace, and -- oh, my god. i just gave them a little plug.

>> jimmy: a little shout-out. yeah, yeah. you didn't have burgers or hotdogs or anything? >> no, actually, no. no, it's not my favorite kind of food. >> jimmy: you have, like, a -- or something. >> yeah, it's not my favorite kind of food, burgers and hotdogs, unfortunately. sorry, guys. >> jimmy: no, that's fine. all americans don't eat hamburgers and hotdogs. [ laughter ] we eat other foods. we eat indian food. yeah, that's fine, yeah. >> good, good, good. >> jimmy: we just love to eat. that's all, yeah. we just like food. yeah, exactly, yeah. your family, though -- they're still in india? >> yes, my mom and dad are still india. >> jimmy: do they come to the states for any big events? >> my sister actually just visited recently. she was here last week. but i try to shelter my parents from the whole hollywood awards ceremony and, you know, parties and all of it. i don't think they really would understand. they're really simple people. but, my mom actually has been to the bafta's, so that's fine. my dad, i'm very protective of him. i don't want him to watch some of my films. >> jimmy: why? >> i just don't. i mean, i'm his little girl. i don't want him to watch my films if there's like, a sex scene in it or something. yeah, i don't think he would understand the difference, you know. >> jimmy: he wouldn't get it. he'd be like, "why are those apes fighting you?"

yeah, like, "no, dad, they're not real." >> he watched that film and he really liked it. >> jimmy: oh, he liked that one. >> "immortals," by the time it got down to india, it got censored. so then he could watch it. >> jimmy: love how you censor your dad from stuff. that's so nice. >> and as far as "trishna" is concerned, i guess it's a no-no. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. this one is -- no, dad will never see "trishna." >> no. >> jimmy: what is "trishna" about? can you explain it to the audience? >> oh, yes. "trishna" is a modern day indian version of "tess of the d'urbervilles," which is a thomas hardy novel. and roman polanski made "tess" back in the '70s, i guess. and it's actually about these two lovers who belong to two different parts of the society, modern and traditional, trying to find -- trying to fit into each other's worlds, but social, economic and cultural barriers keep them apart from each other. while they try to fit in, things really don't go their way and things get really dark. >> jimmy: oh. guys, we have a clip of freida pinto. thank you. [ light laughter ] that's her last name. i didn't want to say -- [ light laughter ] >> i shouldn't have ever told you. [ talking over each other ]

>> jimmy: i don't think little penis. i really don't. [ laughter ] >> please, don't do that. >> jimmy: i don't. no, i don't. i think -- i think -- you beautiful, beautiful girl. >> you, either. don't do that. [ talking over each other ] >> elijah: most definitely no. >> jimmy: when i look at elijah, i think little penis. [ laughter and applause ] >> elijah: thanks. [ talking over each other ] no, but it's far more appropriate than calling freida little penis. >> jimmy: that's true. it makes a difference. >> elijah: i'm not happy about it, but i'll take it. >> jimmy: i'm not happy either. no one think it. no one think it. instead, think "trishna" and watch the clip from "trishna," everybody, please. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> i can't stop thinking about you. i want to be with you. i want you by my side. will you come to bombay with me? will you come to bombay with me? >> okay. yes.

>> when will you come? >> now? >> don't you have to see your uncle? >> no. now if i tell him, he won't let me leave. >> jimmy: there you go, right there. [ cheers and applause ] freida pinto, everybody. "trishna" is in theaters friday and available on demand on july 20th. we love you. come back whenever you want. >> thank you. >> jimmy: james murphy joins us next. there he is right now in the bud light platinum suite. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] what's the point of an epa estimated 42 miles per gallon if the miles aren't interesting? the lexus ct hybrid.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our next guest shocked the music world last year when he ended his band lcd soundsystem at the height of their popularity. his decision to end the band and their last performance is documented in the new movie "shut up and play the hits," which opens nationwide for one night only on july 18th. please welcome james murphy, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: james murphy. >> hi. >> jimmy: thank you for coming on our show. i appreciate this. this is -- ten years ago, would

you ever think that your band would headline and sell out madison square garden? >> ten years ago, no. 20 years ago i would have, maybe have been overconfident. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, but ten years ago, absolutely not. >> then life reminded me. >> jimmy: i mean, it's amazing. i mean, it's just -- was just being a musician, like, a dream of yours? you go, "one day i'm going to do it. i'm going to --" >> well, i mean, it depends on how far back you go. i mean, i always wanted to be a musician. that's something i always wanted to do. but i also wanted to be a dungeon master. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i wanted to be woodstock from "peanuts." >> jimmy: oh, "peanuts." [ laughter ] >> i wanted to be a -- >> jimmy: did you ever have little peanuts? >> i wanted to be an -- [ laughter ] see, you can't get by. >> jimmy: yeah, you can't get by. >> i saw it back -- >> jimmy: you did see it. yeah, you saw it backstage. yeah, i got you. but you wanted to be a bunch of different things. >> yeah, i wanted to be a writer. i went to college for writing. i gave up on music and went to college for writing. >> jimmy: i heard you almost wrote a sitcom. >> i -- i --

i had an opportunity to write some scripts for a sitcom in '92. i was visiting a friend in los angeles and i met the producer -- one of the producers of the show, and they were like -- oh, the show is based in new york. but, they want to move it to l.a. and they're nervous that, you know, by being in l.a., they'll lose their new york thing. we're looking for a new york writer. my friend was like, "oh, james is a new york writer." and so i was like, "oh, cool. yeah, i can do that." and they gave me some samples and they thought it was funny. so they sent me test scripts and wanted me to write, like, a script. and i was like, "yeah, i'm totally going to do that. or i'm going to set around my room and play guitar." so i didn't do it. [ light laughter ] and then, they wrote me another letter like, "hey, how's your cat?" you know, really personal stuff. and i never did it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, how's your cat? >> because i was -- you know -- >> jimmy: you're sitting around -- on the guitar, yeah. >> oh, yeah. i was 22 years old so i was obviously loaded, living in new york. >> jimmy: yeah, but what was the sitcom? do we know it? >> well, it got -- i thought it was cancelled and i forgot all about it. and then, i had to move boxes

out of my parents house about ten years ago. so ten years after the fact, and it was "seinfeld." it was the first episode -- it was the first season of "seinfeld." >> jimmy: yeah, "seinfeld." yeah, yeah. little, tiny sitcom, "seinfeld." >> you don't want to get in on the ground floor. >> jimmy: that makes me laugh that you almost wrote for "seinfeld," the biggest show in television. yeah. >> i would have been -- the most successful show on television. [ laughter ] but, to be fair, i, instead, lived on an inflatable mattress in my office for two months. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congratulations. that is so good of you. that is awesome that you did that. very good move. [ cheers and applause ] >> would have been not as good of a show, i don't think. >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> no. >> jimmy: so then, lcd soundsystem. >> yes. >> jimmy: now, it couldn't be bigger. i loved it, everybody loved it. >> it could have been a lot bigger. >> jimmy: well, i -- [ light laughter ] look at this. look at this. hello, how cool. that's very, kind of morrisey of you there. >> that was actually the color choice. >> jimmy: it was?

>> the blue -- the blue from -- >> jimmy: i don't know what that makes me, but i feel like i'm -- it's pretty nerdy or something. >> elijah: super nerdy. >> jimmy: yeah, i love that. yeah. there you go, right there. it's a disco ball. you can't beat it. but, this is just growing and growing, getting bigger and bigger. you go to madison square garden. you go -- done. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what? why? the band hates shows? >> no, we love each other. i think it was unsustainable. we had planned on the band being a short term, kind of like, "oh, hey, i made a record." and somebody said, "hey, will you come play with your band?" and i was like, "i don't have a band." so i asked my friends, literally, for like a weekend, to go to london and play one gig in london -- two gigs in london, one gig in glasgow and then fly home. and that was the end of it. that was in -- that was ten years ago. and then, like, years later, we're all like, you know -- this was kind of a long weekend. [ laughter ] it interfered -- i don't know. it made it impossible to have, like, a life or do other stuff. and everybody else in the band had other jobs and did other things before. like, everybody -- we were all -- i was 35 when the first album came out. >> jimmy: really? >> which makes me 72-years-old. >> jimmy: good, congratulations.

you look great. >> it's juicing. >> jimmy: it's juicing, really. it's called "shut up and play the hits." >> yes, is the movie we made. >> jimmy: and it's on -- i know, oscilloscope laboratories is putting it out. >> yes, very proud. >> jimmy: adam yauch's production company. mca from the beastie boys. >> yes. >> jimmy: who we love -- >> yeah, who is a dear friend, and an incredible entrepreneur, and inspiring person. >> jimmy: he really is. and is it the 18th, when is this coming out now? july 18th. >> the 18th of july. >> jimmy: and it's just one night only? >> well, i think it's -- the idea is it's one night only, but in a couple places you could demand it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. >> so it went from like 12 theaters to over 100 theaters around north america. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. all right. so if more people could demand this -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's a fantastic documentary. you guys got to check it out. and i was going to ask you to do something because you haven't played since the last -- since you quit -- stopped the band. >> yes. >> jimmy: and i was just going to put you on the spot and say would you play something for us tonight? >> yes, that is -- [ cheers and applause ]

yeah, i mean, i'm just -- if you have an opportunity to play a song you like with the roots, you would do it. so i'm just going to -- i haven't played guitar in a band in 20 years so i figured that would be a really good idea to do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys, james murphy from lcd soundsystem. "shut up and play the hits" opens in theaters nationwide, for one night only or on demand, july 18th. ladies and gentlemen, give it up for james murphy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you've got to be kidding me. sweetie, help us settle this. i say this and this is called southern hospitality. well, i call it the clean getaway.

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[ laughter ] which sucks. 'cause she's a girl. that's the reason. i wish she was a boy. i don't like girls. [ light laughter ] and she's every bit girl. she complains, she whines, she watches the "twilight" movies, which is cool, but she's team edward, and i run a team jacob household. [ laughter and applause ] personal preference. [ light laughter ] she doesn't respect me. that's what it is. she doesn't. you know what she got me for father's day? plastic whistle. fact. and not even in a wrapper or a bow or some ribbon. just, like, lint and like, a piece of what i think is old gum stuck to it. like, she found it in our couch. like, "here, father, a plastic whistle." i don't know what a grown man is gonna do with a plastic whistle. like, become a cop in the '20s perhaps or run a japanese rave or something. i don't know. i threw it out. it's not respectful. [ audience aws ] no, don't aw. she's a racist.

now, how do you feel? [ laughter and applause ] plastic! referees get metal whistles! people who dress like referees who work at foot locker get metal whistles. [ light laughter ] and she respects me less than that. she plays sports, which -- she chose soccer. not -- no. not whoo. 9-year-old girl soccer? you know how boring 9-year-old girl soccer is? [ light laughter ] the same boring as adult men's professional soccer. very. [ laughter and applause ] three hours for 0-0? [ applause ] i got to make moves. i got stuff to do. i'm a football man, american football. [ cheers and applause ] not futbol, football. i'm from philadelphia. i'm an eagles fan. that's right. [ booing ] that's right, roots. philadelph! eagles fan, michael vick, i love him. he's the quarterback.

and that's not very popular sometimes. a lot of people hate michael vick. he did some terrible things. he was involved in some dog fighting. some dogs got killed. it's terrible. i'm very against that. but he's on my team, so i don't care. [ laughter ] as long as he's on my team. if he gets traded tomorrow, he's a dog murderer. he should be in prison for the rest of his life. [ laughter ] i don't even know how he got out. [ applause ] but while he's on my team, i don't care. just win! every time michael vick scores a touchdown, i'll throw him a dog, let him tear it apart like a werewolf in the end zone. [ laughter and applause ] if michael vick wins the super bowl, i'll mail him a box of puppies and a photograph -- a photograph of me doing this. shh. [ laughter ] you love what you love. i was raised to love the eagles. my stepfather loved the eagles. my father. i was raised with both. stepfather and a father.

my stepfather's name is joe. i saw him naked once when i was younger. [ light laughter ] yeah. i was lying in bed. it's not what you're hoping. [ light laughter ] it was an accident. i was lying in bed. the way the apartment worked, if i was in my bed, i could look down the hallway and there's a mirror. and there was, like, a bank shot into the bathroom -- [ light laughter ] and he got out of the shower -- he didn't know. and i just saw -- huge, humongous. [ light laughter ] upsettingly huge, yeah. upset for a few reasons. number one, my mother has to deal with that. looks uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] two, we should have more money as a family with that thing running around the house honestly. [ laughter ] that's big enough to have a part-time job at least. 20 hours? starbucks? [ light laughter ] i sat there in my bed thinking what any kid thinks when he sees his stepfather like that. i wished this guy was my real dad. that's what i wished. [ laughter ] i want some of that in my genetics. but i didn't get that. my father, who handed me down nothing, garbage, white man's burden. that's what he handed me down.

teeny tiny! and i know 'cause i saw him naked, too. yeah, and the situation under which i saw it, you'd think i wouldn't have even noticed it was out. that's how small it was. it caught my eye. i was 9 years old, and i was at his house for the weekend. i'm watching tv. it's 2:00 in the morning. having a great little, fat time. all of a sudden, somebody starts kicking in the front door, trying to break in, which is terrifying. so, i go running in my dad's room, screaming, "ooh, ee." and i bang on his door. "dad, dad, dad!" he opens the door butt naked, and even in all my fear, i was like, "dad, oh, my gosh -- aw, really?" [ laughter and applause ] dude. find a hiding spot. i'm gonna call joe, see how he would handle this. [ laughter ] you guys have been amazing, man. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: big jay oakerson right there! [ cheers and applause ] big jay's podcast, "legion of skanks," is available on itunes.

we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪